A reoccurring theme between a pair happening so often that they feel stuck. Stuck so stuck.
A dance that seals their fate drifts away. It fades into the past. It will never be remembered in the same way. We will never be in that moment again. We were too late.
Blindly dancing without knowing the steps. How long can it last before being stepped on.
Giving up so much only to be given up by you.
Replaying conversations only to discover hidden meanings. Over and over and over.
Space rendered useless by means of violation.
Unanswered questions, never responded to.
Feeling victimized, foolish, imprisoned.
You vanished from our life. I want to know why.
Erasing what was there. Alone again.
Door left open. Time to break free. Feeling stuck. One step out the door.
Blind acceptance divides the link. Your life became my life without being able to choose.
It is time to find yourself. I am not part of the life you want. I had to leave. You were drifting away. We both were.
Moments are no longer seen in the same way. Perceptions forever change. We are like mismatched puzzle pieces. Fixing it is not a priority, for either of us.
Why do we even bother? There is no chance.
Blind understanding leads to questioning the understanding. Results in misunderstanding.
The puzzle pieces are lost in a sea of puzzle pieces. The magnets lose their charge. The stickers stop sticking.
Slowly forgetting. Not wanting to remember.
Lost Love. Drifting away.
Was it worth it?
Like being angry at a dog for not being able to talk. You will never be able to understand. Preoccupied with confusion.
I am a tortured person going back to their torturer.
It is time to let go. Drift away. Start over. You let me go.
We both did.
Hi Sabrina,
ReplyDeleteI think this text might be more effective as descriptive writing that gets inside an artwork if it felt less like a poem. In this course, we will not cover the styles, history, pitfalls and heights of poetry as a form.
Perhaps you could re-punctuate and revise your piece more along these lines:
A reoccurring theme between a pair happening so often that they feel stuck... stuck so stuck...
a dance that seals their fate drifts away. The dance fades into the past. The dance will never be remembered in the same way. We will never be in that moment again. We were too late. We were blindly dancing without knowing the steps.
I think your text could also benefit from some concrete descriptions of objects and a consideration of the medium of film. Observing the facts of the work could help ground your emotional response and your interesting turns of phrase.
Let me know if you have any questions. You can always revise a piece of writing for this class and/or take what you learn into the next assignment.
Marcus