This is modern-day witchcraft

A short and petite man dressed in today’s everyday clothing—loose but fitted khakis, a black and white polo t-shirt, and black casual dress shoes—begins his morning summoning ritual. He begins by placing a green leafy plant that is attached to a wooden plank on top of a loose, circular, marble table. I am not sure if that plant is real or not, but I assume he needs the real thing in order to successfully summon his god. The wooden plank is covered in a coat of pitch-black acrylic paint. The plant and its base is able to stay attached because of a screw glued to the center of the black board. The marble table looks like the face of the planet Jupiter, except the Great Red Spot is absent. He attempts to balance this contraption on this wobbly table; it looks like the plant and board are about to fall to the ground violently at any moment. Finally, he succeeds in keeping everything stable by placing two black triangular buffers under the left side of the plank.

Out of thin air, he whips out a metal funnel to alter his voice while reading a sheet of paper on his clipboard. He holds the clipboard at chest-level (he looks like a science professor). Now he recites a short phrase, claiming to turn the energy in the room into yogurt and salad. The clipboard disappears and out of thin air again, he reveals a black and white paper cup filled with rocks. These rocks are painted black and shine when the light hits them; or maybe they are naturally shiny and black like a refined crystal ore. He selects one of these rocks and brings it to his mouth and proceeds to lick it like a child happily licking a large lollipop. In between the leaves of the plant is a “highlighter orange” (like those orange cones one can sometimes find in the streets to redirect traffic) slab of wood. He places the now moist rock on the wood and allows it to slide down until it stays balanced between the leaves. He repeated this process if these rocks crashed to the floor until there were three of them side by side. Almost at the end of his ritual, he pulls out a white chalk from the cup and commences to draw a dashed borderline around the plant and the table. The black cup and chalk vanishes and the clipboard returns; while fanning air towards or away from his face with his left hand, he spouted out words of “oh, nose, blood, it grows.” His figure looked like a conductor managing an orchestra. The clipboard makes its final exit.

To complete his summoning, he attempts to lift the plant and board. The wooden plank rests on his shoulders and he looks like a farmer transporting his crops from the garden. He starts off crouched low to the ground and gradually stands up. His movements are shaky like a tower experiencing a mild earthquake. But he is signifying the growth cycle of a plant… while singing “Uptown Girl.”

This is a science experiment gone wrong, if you ask me.