Maybe it's some way for me to cope when people are crying. I never know what to do. I tell them it's okay when sometimes it maybe won't be. I pat their back and I feel really awkward. But then, I imagine that they are laughing. I imagine that the streaming tears are salty rivers of happiness, a refreshing downpour after a baking drought. The downturned corners of their mouth are really turned up, and I'm the one that is upside down.
Maybe they're laughing to hide all the pain. With each sharp inhale, the air fills up the empty void and neutralizes the acidity of sorrow.
Maybe they're a hybrid species like me. In intense moments of pain, I squeeze my eyes as tight as I can, as if I could physically shut out the pain. But, out seeps the familiar salty liquid through the folds of my bunched eyelids. I cautiously open one of eyes, while rubbing vigorously at the site of injury. Like an accident, a smile breaks across my face. I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh, feeling tingles of pain during the ands. Soon enough, the only things left are the little, round, wet circles on my jeans.
Hi Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteSome of your descriptions are very good--unique and surprising. I especially like: a refreshing downpour after a baking drought; little, round, wet circles; etc.
Since this is a text about a work of art, in reaction to a work of art--a photograph of a performance action by the artist Lygia Clark--I think it would help if you could add a specific and focused description of the piece as you observed an image of it. I think this would help ground the more emotional portions of your writing.
You have a talent for language. Your writing is quite good here: Like an accident, a smile breaks across my face. I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh, feeling tingles of pain during the ands.
I wonder if you could incorporate into your text descriptions of objects, like the descriptions you wrote with a partner in class. Where can you use even more exhaustive, extremely detailed descriptions of art objects and everyday objects that you are interested in?
Also, perhaps there could be some more movement in this text--people falling over backwards on a sofa perhaps, tossing a giant ball, as in Yvonne Rainer's Trio Film, 1968. Now it is an interior monologue. How could your text relate to a new scripts for a film, a proposal for a performance, a series of photographs or paintings of figures, etc.?
Let me know if you have any questions about my comments. You can always revise your writing and/or take what you learn from one writing assignment into the next writing assignment.
Marcus