Stunning Experiment Shocks the World

{Introduction}
In the early days of NASA, a top secret science experiment was performed to test the feasibility of underwater rocket propulsion. Navy and NASA scientists collaborated to do an engine firing test at their seafloor science and engineering research lab, which was modeled roughly after the Starship Enterprise, and made out of poured concrete.

Now, half a century later, we have procured copies of shocking video footage from this doomed expedition, through exercising our journalistic power in the Freedom of Information Act. We found archives from a nearby submarine and two boom arms, as well as video from the security camera in the engineering room, and high quality film shot by NASA scientists, using equipment intended for research purposes. }

By lining up the timecodes from the film and video, we determined that crew members began deviating from normal behavior within minutes after the engines were tested. It seems possible that the engines set up a powerful vibration in the lab that literally shook up their brains, and a sound was generated with such a high sound pressure level and low frequency that it disrupted normal thought.

The twin exhaust nozzels shot a plume of brown smoke hundreds of feet up through the water, of superheated rock digested and spat out by the engine as if in a giant sneeze, turned from rock into bright brown liquid grit. The two foot diameter nostrils ejected waste matter with a flow rate of 12,000 cubic feet per minute, as the engines digested the earth's crust. Fish for two hundred miles around the experiment were stunned by the sound waves, and proceeded to swim in circles as if drunk for half a day.

Meanwhile, after the equipment shut down inside the lab, the Navy engineer began to reassemble his tools and parts, looking like a grown up Bob the Builder in his blue coveralls. He disassembled the door frame and took a black beam and duct taped objects from each end; on the left he hung a little three legged aluminum stool upside down, with his silver toolbox perched inside it, and on the right he attached his sailor pants to a cross frame cut from the top-board of the door. He proceeded to lift this and hang it over his shoulders like an ox's yoke, walking in circles and mumbling to himself.